


Bound

by shuwashuwishuwa



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), Loveless
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 13:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18165962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuwashuwishuwa/pseuds/shuwashuwishuwa
Summary: Jin’s a fighter, in more than one way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> backpost.  
> originally created for the 2012 kizuna_exchange, also posted [here](https://tr1decalog1sm.livejournal.com/7317.html).  
> haven't re-checked in years, so this WILL contain errors. and will be proof of my messy writing in general, oops.

**Tipsy Love - 赤西 仁**

  
  
“Are you happy?”  
  
A grunt. Kazuya shifts. Squinty, blurry vision, legs tangled.  
  
“Kazuya.”  
  
Light slowly floods the window, and Kazuya shields his eyes.  
  
Laughter and the sound of sheets moving. “Tell me you’re happy.”  
  
Arms suddenly on waist, tight, possessive.  
  
“Hmmm?” A yawn.  
  
The smell of spring. Kazuya’s lips land on red, plump ones. Moves on neck, collarbones.  
  
“Hey, Kazuya,” a chuckle.  
  
Black and brown mixing with white blankets and pillowcases.  
  
Rays getting brighter, sunrise is almost done. “We’ll always be together now.”  
  
Their name prickles on Kazuya’s chest, black bleeding over the skin where his heart is.  
  
“You really hate talking, don’t you?”  
  
Soft fur on the bed. A cold morning, but everything is warm.  
  
“You’re the only one for me,” a kiss to Kazuya’s shoulder, his cheeks, his mouth. “You know that, right?”  
  
Kazuya sighs, content. “I love you. Forever.”  
  
-  
  
“Please be seated,” the woman in white motions with her arm towards the stainless chairs. The room makes a mental asylum look comfortable to be in, not that Kazuya’s ever been to one; Yuichiro always says his trips to the doctor are perfectly normal.  
  
Kazuya is doe-eyed; one minute he was having a quiet dinner at the household, the next thing he knows his father's telling him they've enlisted him to a boarding school,  _Seven Moons Academy,_  in hopes that it would help him go back to being himself.  
  
Even a few moments ago, his parents were still here, talking to the lady who's currently trying to scare his soul out. Then there was an old guy, who took him outside the room and told another boy to show him around. Now his parents are probably rushing home to distribute his measly possessions to his brothers, not that Yuichiro and Koji would want anything to do with his stuff.  
  
"My name is Mary," the woman in white introduces herself just as the old man enters the room, a young boy about Kazuya's age in tow. "Ah, here they are," she says when she sees them, gesturing for the boy to sit down. He's wearing a bright yellow cartoon character hoodie which looks so strange on him. The boy occupies the chair facing Kazuya. "This is my brother, Johnny," Mary stretches her arm to gesture towards the old man. Then she looks at the boy. "And I assume this is your fighter unit."  
  
Kazuya's cat ears twitch. " _Fighter unit?_ "  
  
Johnny clears his throat. "If I may." He doesn't wait for Mary's agreement.  
  
The actual explanation for the purpose of the school and their presence there makes no sense in Kazuya's point of view, but he has no choice except to agree and hopes his parents didn't get loose screws overnight. He catches the name of the boy, Akanishi Jin, and something about living in the same room and training together. It sounds like they've become glorified lovebirds. Some words he actually remembers are sacrifice, which is apparently what he is, pairs, wordspell battles, and the boy in front of him being a fighter.  _His_  fighter.  
  
"So I get to order him around?" Kazuya wants to get this out of the way.  
  
Johnny smiles at him. "Yes. You think of the spells and he makes them happen, makes them real. In turn, any spell said to Jin will be inflicted on you." He also remembers hearing Johnny say they should call him 'gramps', while Mary hides a scoff.  
  
Kazuya looks confused. "So I tell him what to do, but he doesn't get hurt if other people-- _attack_  us?"  
  
Johnny nods, looking satisfied. "As for your name," he starts, but Mary looks affronted.  
  
"We have talked about this," Mary reprimands, looking like she wants to haul Johnny outside the room. "They belong to the Zero program; they will not have a name, their bond is not real."  
  
Johnny just looks at her, face without emotions. "And yet their bodies bear the mark, something even you cannot deny. But fair enough," he looks at the pair, "I will have you answer to Mary, or Julie if she is around. But when people ask your name, you will answer with the one you are given with. Am I understood?"  
  
Kazuya really doesn't get it, thinks the adult are being vague and confusing on purpose, but then Jin is unbuttoning the top of his shirt, revealing smooth skin and pale collarbones swathed with--  
  
"It's this name, right?" Jin points to the script of black ink smothering the skin below his neck. "This is the only name I have, other than my birthname."  
  
Johnny nods his answer, not noticing Kazuya touching his chest. Thankfully, it ends there, even though Mary still looks displeased when she sends them off to enjoy the rest of the evening, but not before she reminds Kazuya that he is to continue going to the central hospital every Saturday afternoon, and that they are excused for future trainings should schedules clash.  
  


**What’s the Story, Morning Glory - Oasis**

  
  
The sharp smell of antiseptic accompanies white walls and ceilings and blinding lights whenever Kazuya’s up for his weekly appointment with Nagano-sensei. All he does is lie down on the couch, a comfortable sky blue that doesn’t even balance the paleness of the room, waiting for the doctor.  
  
Every session is the same: Nagano-sensei enters the room, looking authoritative with his prescribed white coat, stethoscope, and glasses, his boring, brown, trusty clipboard in hand, greeting Kazuya with a soft smile. He gets Kazuya’s vitals then motions him to the seat for one and a half hour of question and answer and experimental hypnotism that never results to anything significant, if Kazuya judges it with the way he’s still going to this psychiatric clinic every Saturday instead of baseball practice.  
  
Nagano-sensei is really nice. Invasive questions don’t sound as offending and personal when he asks Kazuya, or maybe it’s because of the hypnosis. All Kazuya wishes is to find out why the hell his parents had signed him up for this, or why Koji has been looking at him weirdly and treating him like air for the past three months.  
  
Truth is, Kazuya doesn’t really know how it started, these meetings. One evening he suddenly woke up in his room, drenched in cold sweat and his parents worriedly hovering by his bedside, Yuichiro loitering by the door. He doesn’t remember how or why he passed out, the last thing in his memory is about persuading Koji to let him come on their baseball practice game at the lot by the chapel.  
  
"Let's continue, shall we?" Nagano-sensei motions for Kazuya to lie down on the couch.  _Repressed memories, things hidden in the subconscious_ , Kazuya thinks about overhearing the conversation his parents had with the doctor, about not remembering anything, an accident, behavioral patterns changing in the blink of an eye. He doesn't understand; nothing has changed about him, if anything, it's his older brothers who have started to look at him strangely, who've started to ostracize him without even an explanation.  
  
It's when Nagano-sensei snaps his fingers that Kazuya forgets, slumping into a dreamless sleep. When he opens his eyes again, the session with the psychiatrist is over.  
  


**Step by Step - 中丸雄一**

  
  
It's a Wednesday morning when Kazuya is whisked away to his first class: Domoto Tsuyoshi-sensei's Spellcasting 101. Of course nobody really talks to him other than the red-haired boy with the black cat ears and tail, the one he's rooming with.  
  
"My name's Jin, I thought I already told you," the boy says, too busy playing with his pen to listen to Domoto-sensei. "You should really learn how to control that 'calling' thing you sacrifices do," he whispers conspiratorially.  
  
"Shut up," Kazuya hisses rather too harshly, and it makes the whole class look at the pair.  
  
"Well," Domoto-sensei starts, walking towards them, "It seems that our two new students find this class too boring. Tell me, what's your name?"  
  
"I'm Kazuy--"  
  
"Not that name," Domoto-sensei cuts him off. Kazuya swallows his embarrassment. "Try again."  
  
"We're  _Bound_ ," Jin starts, only Kazuya holds his hand and he stops abruptly then.  
  
Domoto-sensei eyes them with interest. "The new Zero pair, am I correct?" He doesn't wait for them to answer, not that they can, given the aura emanating from the man. "Then let's have you prove your bond, if it's as real as your name claims it is. Detention, one week," he says, then looks over at the rest of the class as if to say 'let this be a lesson to everyone'.  
  
Someone snickers at them as soon as the bell rings and the other students pour out of the room. Jin looks over his shoulder to find a thin boy with blond hair and bleached cat ears and tail, covering his mouth. Jin's about to go over and hit the boy when another guy--this one taller, with a high nose, black-brown ears and tail--pops up, hitting blondie over the head.  
  
"Hey!" Blondie scowls, but he looks more put out about being hit because he made fun of Jin than the actual fact that he was hit. Jin can already see the blond one becoming an attention whore.  
  
"I heard you," the taller one says, sounding strict, "Takizawa-kun will not approve."  
  
Blondie makes a face. "What do you know, Papa likes me best."  
  
"Only because you're a girl," tall guy says back. "And we're being rude," he continues, turns to Jin and Kazuya. "Sorry, he can be a bit--inconsiderate."  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Be quiet," tall guy shushes blondie. "Anyway, we're  _Selfless_ , and we live in the dorm room across yours." He points an index finger towards himself. "Ikuta Toma, fighter," then points at blondie, "Yamashita Tomohisa, my sacrifice.  _Yoroshiku_."  
  
Kazuya and Jin bow automatically, still momentarily surprised by the pair in front of them. "Um," Jin starts.  
  
Tomohisa sits on the table beside Jin's, hands gripping the table edge. "Anyway, don't be too scared of Domoto-sensei," he waves a hand, doesn't notice Jin flinch or Kazuya pulling back. "He likes to look threatening and he's extremely good, like the next best fighter after Kimura-sama, but he won't butt into your business normally." Then he looks at Toma. "I'm hungry and we've welcomed the newbies, can we go eat now?"  
  
Toma scrunches his nose up in dissatisfaction. "Bottomless pit, you're treating today," he mutters as they head out the door, turning midway. "You're supposed to come with us; I don't want all the good tables stolen."  
  
-  
  
Kazuya and Jin will learn that  _Selfless_  are the top pair in their level, and that almost all the professors and seniors like the sacrifice, Tomohisa. Whenever they are asked to get partners for practice duels, Tomohisa practically grabs Kazuya's hand; the fighters don't mind, not even when Jin's competetive ego (and Kazuya's, surprisingly, to a lesser extent) gets bruised again and again because  _Selfless_  always manages to win. It's all a learning process anyway, especially for Jin, who gets coached by Toma most of the time because Kazuya can't control his fighter.  
  
"It's all about exploiting your bond," Tomohisa is saying over a mouthful of  _karaage_ , and Toma swats him over the head for not chewing his food properly. They sit together for meals all the time, too. Jin's thankful for the company; it doesn't look like Kazuya likes him much yet. He vows to change that soon.  
  
"But we're not--" Kazuya wants to explain, only Toma shakes his head and wryly smiles.  
  
"Never believe what those crazy women tell you." Jin's told Toma about communication blocks, plus that little secret over his collarbone that he doesn't know what to do with. "You've got a name, so there's a bond nobody can touch, no matter what they say."  
  
Tomohisa raises an eyebrow at the exchange. "What are you talking about?" He eyes Kazuya warily. "Listen to me Kazuya: everything is about disciplining your man and making sure you're in control." When he notices the appalled reactions the statement gathers, he utters, "That didn't sound right, did it?"  
  


**Again I Go Unnoticed – Dashboard Confessional**

  
  
They gain friends from the same grade, although Kazuya classifies everyone as colleagues, with the exception of a fighter named Tatsuya, whom he treats only marginally better. Most of the time, Kazuya's reserved and quiet, very unlike the kid who wanted to run through his older brothers' room and make it look like a tornado had passed whenever he lost his baseball glove.  
  
Jin doesn't pry, not when they lose the first few practice matches and get extra coaching time from the seniors, not when  _Motionless'_  sacrifice, Imai Tsubasa gets assigned to them for the senior-junior mentoring program that fall. What Jin wants is for Kazuya to come to him and set things straight, to properly use their connection to win battles and hone their talents. While the other pairs slowly become adults, Jin and Kazuya stay the same, only growing older by age. Kazuya simply doesn't care about such things, his family always occupying his thoughts. As for Jin, he doesn't mind. He'll wait for no matter how long that takes.  
  


**Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap**

  
  
The evening Kazuya comes back from sneaking out of Seven Moons to celebrate Ran’s birthday, there’s a surprise graded exam: a showdown between them and  _Tireless_. All afternoon, Jin had messaged him and waited so they could practice, but Kazuya had been unreachable, having such an enjoyable day after being cooped up for so long.  
  
Jin is obviously pissed when he corners Kazuya by the bleachers.  
  
“Where have you been?” Jin’s all over Kazuya’s breathing space, lips pursed into an angry frown and eyebrows bunched together. Kazuya wants to smooth them over with his fingers, but he doesn’t act on that impulse.  
  
Instead, Kazuya shrugs, nonchalant. “I went out,” he sits down on a bench, crosses his legs together. A slight breeze wafts past the arena, and Kazuya hears the start of winter beckoning amidst the calls of the audience.  
  
Jin’s lips purse further. “Are you nuts? I called you like a billion times,” he whispers, irritated. Kazuya doesn’t bother to check his phone; he knows that’s not the only way Jin tried to reach him.  
  
“I was out on a date,” Kazuya carelessly replies, and Jin knows it’s with the girl next to Kazuya in the picture frame in their room that he’s talking about. “Let’s do this,” Kazuya continues, standing up and walking towards their side of the field.  
  
He doesn’t notice the way Jin’s expression hardens, how he suddenly looks like he’s controlling his breathing very hard.  
  
The crowd starts to liven up when Tanaka Koki and Taguchi Junnosuke enter the arena from the other side, looking ready to fight. From the smirk on Koki’s face and Jin’s quickly darkening expression, it looks like he’s had fun at Jin’s expense all afternoon. Kazuya knows they mean no harm, but Koki really likes to rub in how earlier he’s been in the academy than the others in his grade.  
  
“Ready to lose, shitface?” Koki challenges, squirming to loosen some knots in his muscles. For a sacrifice, he acts pretty cocky, but Kazuya knows the arrogance is not unfounded; Koki’s got one hell of a resistance to pain, which is good since his fighter hasn’t really learned much about defense yet.  
  
“Koki, don’t taunt,” Junnosuke chides, taking a loose battle stance and standing in front of Koki. He smiles at Kazuya and Jin, eyes disappearing into half-moons. “ _Yoroshiku ne._ ”  
  
Jin answers by harshly pushing Kazuya behind him, feet apart and chin raised proudly.  
  
“Hey—” Kazuya almost face plants from the force of Jin’s shove, but before he can bite down a curse, Jin starts the battle.  
  
“We declare a battle by wordspell.  **Battle systems engage,** ” Jin punches his fist into Kazuya’s outstretched palm, voice solid and eyes trained on the other side of the field, and the crowd roars.  
  
“ ** _Bound,_** ” Jin’s voice continues, and Kazuya’s mouth opens but suddenly he can’t mouth the words the same pace as Jin’s. “ ** _United, two ties that are joined by fate._** ”  
  
“ **Battle accepted,** ” Junnosuke and Koki say simultaneously, “ ** _Tireless, we exceed what is required._** ”  
  
_Don’t hurt them_ , Kazuya closes his eyes as everything hazes and focuses on the air around them,  _just disarm._  
  
Unfortunately, the words come out from Jin’s mouth and not his. “ **Divide. Isolate. Your differences will be your downfall.** ”  
  
“ **Deflect. Refract,** ” Junnosuke counters easily, and the spell does not even reach them before the wave retraces its direction. “ **The power of two cannot be defeated. Double. Triple. Quadruple.** ”  
  
Kazuya chokes as he feels the connection with Jin rapidly diminishing, silence registering.  _Jin_ , he tries,  _Jin, defend!_  
  
Jin doesn’t bat an eyelash, doesn’t hear Kazuya. “ **Suspend. Separate. Lack of intimacy makes your attacks insignificant.** ”  
  
“What the fu—Junno!” Koki hangs upside-down by an invisible rope, his head a few feet above the ground, hand still firmly grasping Junnosuke’s now-raised fist.  _Destroy him._  
  
“You think you guys stand a chance?” Junnosuke says, ever so calm. “You can’t even hear your own sacrifice.  **Arrogance will fuel the flames of your loss. Burn.** ”  
  
“ **Abyss,** ” Jin commands, and Kazuya tries to inhale through the vacuum that roots him to the ground by absolute surprise—Jin just attacked  _him_  with a spell. “ **Emptiness produces no fire.**  Are you completely stupid?”  
  
Koki’s eyes widen. “Kazuya!” he howls angrily, then pins blazing eyes at Jin. “Akanishi, you are a total moron! He will die!”  
  
Jin coldly stares. “I do not answer to you,” he says to Koki. Junnosuke looks shocked at what is happening, and Jin takes his chance. “ **Your temporary freedom ends now,**  don’t you think so?  **Restrict. Bind. Negligence will chain you to failure.** ”  
  
Multiple chains pile up on Koki’s wrists, his legs, along his torso and neck, robbing him of air. Behind Jin, Kazuya continues to gasp, scrabbling at the last dregs of oxygen he can manage while frozen in place.  
  
“Surprised?” Jin mocks. “ **Magnify,** ” he breathes—  
  
“ **Divert! Repel! Obviate!** ” Junnosuke hurriedly shouts, panicked.  
  
—and the surge of red-hot energy that comes with a new set of shackles almost crushes Koki’s body.  
  
Kazuya starts to shake when there’s nothing left to breathe, palm closing over Jin’s fist so tightly, his aura becoming pale.  _Stop this,_  he pleads weakly,  _halt, it’s over._  
  
“ **Surge. Power combine. Flow,** ” Jin commands instead, seeing a girl with rosy apple cheeks in a yellow and fiery orange summery yukata instead of Junnosuke’s sacrifice floating and immobilized, thorns of electricity speeding their way towards Koki, “ **this ends now. Obliterate.** ”  
  
The sickening thud that follows when Koki slams to the floor, face down and unconscious, as the battle systems disengage and  _Bound_  is announced as victor makes Kazuya fall to his knees, panting desperately. Junnosuke swiftly turns around and kneels on the floor beside his sacrifice, eyes closed but vividly seeing Koki’s spasms caused by the energy stream.  
  
_Jin_ , Kazuya quietly gets out, his lungs perfectly functioning now but his mind still trapped in the void, body reeling from the lack of circulation. “Jin,” he wheezes out, voice hoarse but angry and brain too tired to follow it up out loud.  _Stay_ , he says instead, but Jin’s already walking out of the arena, not minding the excited screams of the other students.  
  
-  
  
“The hell is wrong with you!” Kazuya snipes. He suppresses the urge to hurl the nearest item he can reach at Jin. “Why the fuck would you fight like that!?”  
  
Jin just snorts. “We won the simulation battle, what’s your deal?” his voice comes out calmer than he expects, but Kazuya knows Jin is frustrated about something, he just can’t find out what.  
  
Books hit the floor where Kazuya has swiped them off the table in his anger. “What is wrong with your brain, we never practiced fighting on Auto—”  
  
“Well we never practiced anything!” Jin howls at him, agitated and turning red. “You were too busy getting your face sucked by your girlfriend,” he continues, then ducks when Kazuya throws a picture frame at him. “Koichi-sensei said we passed midterms, the fuck do you want me to do?!”  
  
Kazuya is seething. “First of all,” he hisses, “never talk about my friends like that. Ran and I have known each other long before this crazy excuse of a school happened to me,” he charges forward and grabs Jin by his shirt collar, presses him against the wall with their faces so close to each other. Jin can feel Kazuya’s breath fan his features.  
  
Jin looks at his sacrifice, eyes wide but not scared. His name pulses with every second that passes, pinpricks and electricity along his shoulder blades where the tips of the script are up to his collarbones. His blood sings, and he can only look at Kazuya.  
  
“Second,” Kazuya continues in his low, threatening voice, “do not ever,  _ever_  fight on Auto again, do you understand me?” He pushes against Jin in emphasis, eyes a black pool of anger. “You almost killed someone! Are you out of your mind?”  
  
“I don’t answer to you,” Jin is looking Kazuya in the eyes, indifferent. His words are unusually emotionless, and the change in Jin’s attitude stops Kazuya’s anger.  
  
The closed fist tightens on Jin’s shirt. “What?”  
  
“I don’t answer to you,” Jin repeats, his voice wavering a little, content to let Kazuya squash him against the wall. Judging by the thinness of the walls in the dormitory he’s sure  _Selfless_  can hear them; he’ll be up for another round of scolding from Toma, but he finds he doesn’t care right now.  
  
“You—” Kazuya starts, but Jin finally finds an opening and shrugs the hold on him. Kazuya momentarily loses his balance when Jin remains calm, even as he struggles to put some distance between them.  
  
Jin looks at him, eyes sad and longing. “You don’t even believe we’re a pair, even though the proof is right there screaming at you when we’re in the same living space,” he points at Kazuya’s chest. Kazuya shivers when he feels the warmth of Jin’s finger through his shirt. He doesn't know how Jin knows that secret; Kazuya hasn't told anyone of that. “We’re strong, both of us, but it’s all worthless if we don’t have a proper connection. Don’t skip training just to flirt around again,” Jin finishes, torn between wanting to walk out on such a pointless argument or suffocate Kazuya into submission.  
  
“Well you did fantastic on your own, so why would you even need me?” Kazuya says sarcastically. He doesn’t understand how training is such a big deal, if Jin’s going to be all high and mighty about fighting without his sacrifice’s help, anyway.  
  
“Fine, be that way,” Jin shakes his head. “You want the truth? I just want to be with you, but I guess that’s too much to ask,” he mutters hopelessly before he lets the door fall closed and heads for his quiet place.  
  
  
  
Kazuya and Ran meet each other for the first time during  _Tanabata_ , when Kazuya is eleven and his voice hasn’t broken yet. Being chased by her friends, she topples over an equally distracted Kazuya, who has been tricked by his brothers into carrying their steamed sweet potatoes.  
  
“Ow,” Kazuya screams, rubbing his thigh where the potatoes had had the decency to roll over, “hot, hot! You,” he fumes at the girl who looks as dishevelled and burnt with the family’s snack, “watch where you’re going!”  
  
Ran looks at him with big eyes, and Kazuya flinches, ready for a verbal assault or a stream of tears, maybe some pyrotechnics to go with the bright orange and yellow kimono sleeves that are about to flail wildly at him, but the only thing that happens next is Ran bowing, head to the floor, shouting “I’m really sorry!” in her loudest voice.  
  
Kazuya is so shocked that he does end up flinching, but for a very different reason. He laughs his high-pitched, cackling laugh, which makes the girl look at her in confusion. He offers her a hand as soon as he’s stood up, and that’s the scene Yuya sees.  
  
“Oh,” Yuya points at their linked hands, eyes glinting mischievously and glancing quickly at the mishandled food on the cement, “ _that’s_  why you kept Koji-nii and Yu-nii starving. I’m gonna tell~”  
  
And before Kazuya can make a half-assed retort or even let go of Ran’s arm, Yuya has already run off to tattle on his brother’s non-existent secret date.  
  
“Uh—“ Ran starts, not sure whether to ask about what just happened or to take her hand back.  
  
Kazuya looks at her, his eyes crinkling into half-moons. “He’s my idiot brother,” he gestures to the space where Yuya just stood at, “and apparently, you’re stuck with me today.”  
  
Ran looks even more confused. “What?”  
  
“Nice to meet you,” comes out in mangled English, “I’m Kazuya.”  
  


**Too Close for Comfort - McFly**

  
  
By some miracle they are allowed to go home on Christmas and New Year, and even though Kazuya’s family isn’t really big on celebrating holidays that aren’t related to dead ancestors, the familiar car is outside the academy two days before Christmas Eve when Kazuya comes out. By the school gate, Julie is obviously peering at them from behind her thick, startle-inducing glasses.  
  
“Kazu-nii,” Yuya cheerfully waves from the back seat, and Kazuya almost smiles, except it’s Yuichiro who is driving, judging by his position by the driver’s side, posture stiff and arms crossed over his chest. Kazuya’s grip on his bag tightens. His father is nowhere to be found.  
  
Jin stops in his steps, clears his throat when it seems the brothers are not up for much talking. There’s a gust of wind, and Jin fights the urge to shudder. He was vehemently opposed when Johnny mentioned spending two weeks over at Kazuya’s, to the point of almost getting suspended for foul language usage. They aren’t even talking, haven’t so much as looked at each other directly since that night they won the battle simulation and Jin walked out to clear his head, filled with jealousy and anger, insecurity over some unknown girl that got to spend her birthday with Kazuya. He came back at almost midnight to find that Kazuya had dead-bolted the door to their room.  
  
Jin used up almost half an hour pounding on  _Selfless_ ’ door and literally begging them to let him crash. When morning came about and Jin had had his most fitful sleep ever since entering the academy, Kazuya was already in class, their room unlocked.  
  
Right now, though, one look at his sacrifice’s downcast face tells Jin that Kazuya would give anything up not to be crammed into a single room with his family, winter break or not.  
  
Yuichiro wordlessly opens the car door, letting himself in. Kazuya looks at Jin, silently points at the back passenger door with his mouth, and proceeds to ride shotgun.  
  
-  
  
Flour-dusted cheeks and a messy kitchen greet Kazuya and Jin when they arrive in Edogawa. Kazuya’s mother looks a bit surprised when she greets her third son and finds that he brought company.  
  
“Kazuya’s friends are always welcome here,” she warmly smiles at Jin after she’s finished pawing over Kazuya, muttering things like malnutrition and ‘Kazuya never had to deal with physical exhaustion when he was staying home’. Jin gets second hand embarrassment.  
  
Kazuya fidgets. “Kaa-san,” he tries to deflect the topic from his supposed love life into something less destructive for the sake of his and Jin’s withering partnership, “where’s tou-san?”  
  
“Koji made him watch this year’s ending,” his mother says, handing Kazuya pillows and a blanket from the spare room cabinet. Every December before winter vacation starts, Koji’s school holds a varsity team versus faculty charity baseball match as the last game of the year. “They’ll be home by dinner. Now go, you can nick the extra bed stuff from Yuichiro’s room,” his mother gestures, and while Kazuya hasn’t been a fan of socializing with his brothers since a year ago, he hopes, just a little, that enough time has already passed for Yuichiro and Koji to stop acting like assholes and let him be part of the four-way brotherhood again.  
  
He turns his head a bit in the middle of heading upstairs. “Where’s Yuya staying, then?” Kazuya asks, a bit loudly. He and Yuya had always shared a room, but since Jin’s here…  
  
“He’ll sleep in our room,” his mother clucks, busy with cooking  _nikujaga_  enough to feed an army. “Now make yourself useful and entertain your guest!”  
  
The two of them make their way to the second floor, Kazuya carrying sleeping necessities and Jin only carrying his own bag. “We’re on the right door, by the grandfather clock,” Kazuya softly says, the first words he’s let out directly to Jin in over a month. “Feel free to use anything,” he continues, as Jin opens the door and lets Kazuya pass through first.  
  
It’s definitely a boy’s room, Jin muses. There’s a clutter of baseball paraphernalia and the walls boast of framed pictures of Kazuya and Yuya winning various awards during games. A mini-Kazuya stares at Jin, all squiggly eyebrows and slanted eyes, white jersey tainted with dirt from the ground; it’s the first game in which Kazuya had been allowed to be on the starting line-up, when he was nine.  
  
There’s a cabinet by the curtained window opposite the door and a low table that’s been pushed to the side. Kazuya plops the pillows and blanket on the floor beside an unmade futon—definitely Yuya’s—and heads for the door.  
  
“Kazu—” Jin starts, making Kazuya look at him. “I,” he continues, realizes he doesn’t actually know what to say. Kazuya looks pale, like he wishes vacation would just be over and they can go back to Seven Moons, pretend not to play happy family.  
  
“Extra futon is in nii-chan’s room,” Kazuya answers, looking down again.  
  
Oh. Right, bed. “I’ll help,” Jin volunteers.  
  
Kazuya pins him an unsure look. “If you’re sure.”  
  
Turns out Yuichiro and Koji’s room is beside theirs, and Kazuya knocks thrice before speaking, “I hope we’re not intruding.”  
  
Yuichiro just grunts, and when Kazuya opens the door he doesn't even look up from his book, toeing the already prepared necessities towards Kazuya.  
  
_They've really started to hate me_ , Kazuya sighs when they're back in his room, and is surprised when Jin puts a hand in his shoulder. "What?"  
  
"Don't say that, I said," Jin scratches the back of his neck. "I think it's wonderful that you've got a warm family," he smiles, takes the bedding from Kazuya's arms, and settles them on the floor.  
  
-  
  
Dinner is served an hour after Koji and his father come home. As usual, it's a rowdy affair, with a family of five boys that never seem to quiet down. Jin would like to disappear; there was never anything like this where he lived, and the academy is the closest thing he's got to a home, anyway.  
  
"So, Jin-kun," Kazuya's father is saying between a mouthful of rice, "where did you say you were from?"  
  
That makes Kazuya listen as well. He's never asked Jin anything about his private life, convinced that they just have to live with each other until Julie gets tired of them and decides to give Jin another sacrifice.  
  
"Not far from here, actually," Jin answers, rather shy. Homecooked meals really are the best, but he can't bear to eat a lot when it looks like Kazuya's brothers are about to pounce on him if he says a wrong syllable.  
  
Kazuya's father looks interested. "Really? We haven't seen you around this neighborhood, though."  
  
Jin clears his throat, "you know the abandoned church with the nuns by the empty lot?"  
  
There's only one lot near the residential side of the city that can be described like that, and the family's chatter dies down when they realize what it implies.  
  
"So..." Yuichiro walks on thin ice, garnering looks from his parents.  
  
"Been an orphan for as long as I can remember," Jin answers nonchalantly, continuing with his dinner. "Please don't be uncomfortable, it's not much of a big deal anyway. My family died in a freak road accident. The sisters at the shelter were really kind to me."  
  
"I'm really sorry, Jin-kun," Kazuya's mom says when she's finished scolding Yuichiro.  
  
Jin shakes his head. "It's really okay. Actually," he gives an unsure smile, "I was quite mischievous, always sneaking out. I saw Kazuya and his brothers play ball on the lot a couple of times back then."  
  
Koji puts dow his chopsticks rather harshly on the table. "I've finished eating, please excuse me." He leaves the tables abruptly, not looking back when his mother calls.  
  
"I'm sorry for their rude behavior," Kazuya's mom apologizes, but Jin waves it off. The front door slams shut and there's a roar of a motorcycle coming to life, the sound of the engine fading as Koji speeds away from the household.  
  
-  
  
"I have a name," Kazuya mutters, lying down on his futon with his hands pillowing his head. He doesn't look at Jin.  
  
Jin's ears perk up. "Really?" It's the first time Kazuya's ever volunteered information about himself; Jin's fairly interested.  
  
Exhaling a held breath, Kazuya nods. "Koji-nii looked at me like I had grown five extra hands when he saw it. We were in the bath." Koji had been ignoring him for two weeks during that time, so their mother had forced them into the bath together, locking the door and demanding they either talk or wrestle it out, either way the door was going to stay locked and they could die drowning in the bath unless they made up.  
  
Everything had been quiet and okay by Kazuya's standards, until Koji looked at him after they had gotten in the bath. He remembers Koji shouting, then pointing at him while stuttering, then shouting again, this time, for his mother to come quickly because apparently, Kazuya had gotten a tattoo.  
  
Kazuya remembers panicking, remembers how wide his eyes were when he saw where Koji was pointing at. He will never forget trying to scrub away the mark, his skin going red and raw and blotchy, how the name had stayed still, bold lines cleanly written on his skin even after Kazuya had used about a whole bar of soap trying to wash it off.  
  
Koji had never looked at him after that, not even a glance.  
  
A loud commotion downstairs interrupts Kazuya and Jin. They look outside the window; the front porch light is on, and Koji has just come back with some of his friends. They all look inebriated.  
  
When Kazuya's mother starts clucking up a storm outside, scolding his second son for irresponsible behavior and embarrassing him in front of his friends, Kazuya opens the front door, Jin right on his heels. The neighbors are asleep, and so's Yuya. Yuchiro and their father are both in their rooms, as well.  
  
"Fuck," one of Koji's biker friends says when he sees Kazuya. He's bigger than Koji, and looks like he eats car spare parts for breakfast. "That your brother, Ko-chan?"  
  
Koji sends a death glare his way. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Heh," another one says, eyeing Kazuya with thinly veiled hostility. This one'd got electric blue and vivid red mixed with his black hair. "I thought your family got rid of him for good?"  
  
"Shut up," Koji grits out, hands forming fists. His knuckles turn white from gripping them too much.  
  
Kazuya's mother interferes."What are you boys talking about? Koji, what does this mean?"  
  
Koji looks at their mother, eyebrows knit into a very angry frown. "It's  _nothing_ , mind your own business, okay?"  
  
One of Koji's friend's laughs; this time it's a tall, white guy with blonde-streaked brown hair. "It's nothing? Koji, man, you're so out of it."  
  
"I said to shut up," Koji hisses at his friend. The whole gang is looking at him.  
  
"Dude, that's  _your_  brother," the burly guy says. Kazuya knows him from somewhere, has vague memories of him.  
  
The guy narrows his eyes at Kazuya. "That dipshit guy's a murderer--" but they never hear the rest of his sentence, the loud crack of Koji's fist connecting with a jaw overpowering the scream Kazuya's mother makes.  
  
"The fuck was that for, asshole!" Blondie shouts, ready to give Koji back a right hook. The guy Koji just punched is on the floor, spitting out blood on the Kamenashi pavement.  
  
Koji's gaze is like steel. "Get out, all of you. We're through." He doesn't wait for their reply, passes by his mother and a frozen Kazuya--who's barely standing, his whole weight leaning on Jin-- and slams the door closed, bolting up to his and Yuichiro's room.  
  


**Untouched – The Veronicas**

  
  
_Murderer,_  the words haunt Kazuya endlessly. He's sure the hateful message is directed at him, along with those judging eyes. He stares up at the ceiling, wonders if that's what he forgot, why Koji still hasn't talked to him until now.  
  
An alarm goes off, signalling the clock striking midnight. On the bed beside his, Jin shifts, turns to face him. Kazuya doesn't move.  
  
"Happy birthday, Kazuya," Jin's voice floats in the air, lulls Kazuya into a false sense of security. Jin knows Kazuya won't answer, they haven't talked about anything, not even about school and practice.  
  
It's February and they're back in the academy now, but that horrid night has been in Kazuya's dreams for two months. He's afraid to sleep, afraid to hear accusations he knows nothing of.  
  
That night, after the shock had worn off, Jin had carried Kazuya to their room. Kazuya wasn't able to move at all, paralyzed from what he had seen and heard from Koji and his friends. Jin had lain him on the futon and was about to go to his own, give Kazuya some time for himself, but then Kazuya grabbed his hand and looked at him, eyes scared and paranoid.  
  
"Kazu," Jin had said, voice tender, his hand cupping Kazuya's face. Kazuya closed his eyes, then, leaning up to press his head against Jin's shoulder, arms winding around Jin's neck in a tight, vice-like grip.  
  
_Murderer,_  the voice had screamed in Kazuya's head back then, too, and Kazuya shut his eyes tighter, wanting to rid his head of the chant and the image of stabbing someone; he didn't remember anything, but Koji and his friends looked like it was a closely-guarded secret, and his mother had only looked shocked, but had not denied anything nor reprimanded Koji. Was this it, then? Had he killed someone, a person close to his brother?  
  
Kazuya had started when he felt lips on his skin, a fan of breath ghosting over his collarbone. Turned out his shirt had been unbuttoned, Jin's hair tickling his chest.  
  
"Jin," Kazuya had sighed, too petrified to move, and Jin had splayed a palm on his chest, had put his hand then his lips over Kazuya's heart, hands quickly working on divesting Kazuya of his clothes. " _Jin_ ," Kazuya had panted, voice rough and shaky, when Jin's hands had drifted away from his chest and stomach and instead had found him under his pyjamas, flaccid.  
  
"Sssssh," Jin had said, gently, pulling Kazuya's pants just to his knees, and when Jin had taken him into his mouth, Kazuya closed his eyes and tried to forget, telling Jin to do the same. There had been sharp breaths and a fist clamped over a mouth to muffle moans, and Jin had given it a lot of effort, wanting to make it slow and good, only Kazuya been too tense and had come fast, Jin cleaning him and carefully tucking him back after, a kiss to Kazuya's sweaty forehead and temple.  
  
"Jin," Kazuya had whispered, not trusting his voice just yet.  
  
"It's okay," Jin had answered, hugging Kazuya to his chest and kissing his cheeks, his eyelids. "I'll do anything you want me to, Kazuya."  
  
His eyes closed and his face hidden in Jin's chest, Kazuya didn’t have the strength to talk out loud. Instead, he said it in his mind, because he knew Jin could hear whenever he called.  
  
_When we go back, you have to forget, Jin._  
  


**Fiction – B2ST**

  
  
They continue to room together without talking, miraculously surviving training and becoming the best pair when  _Selfless_  are accelerated for exemplary performance. They become busy outside class, Jin having a new set of friends--rowdy boys who like to mess around and who have no concept of personal space, so unlike Jin-- and Kazuya mulling over in his silence.  
  
Sometimes Jin will come back to see Kazuya passed out on the floor, beer cans littered around him. Jin will carry him to his bed, put his hand over his lips, then touch it to Kazuya's heart, a longing look in his eyes.  
  
It's been years since they first met, since they were first together, and so far neither Johnny nor Mary and Julie plan on separating them, even though they were never a permanent pair like the others in the first place. They're almost about to graduate too, Jin thinks sometimes.  
  
Whenever he's bothered, which is a lot of times these days, Jin goes to Tomohisa, sometimes to get drunk, sometimes to talk and let his insecurities surface. Kazuya always sees him when they're together, but never says anything. Jin thinks they're going in circles, but unfortunately he's not in the position to make orders.  
  
Jin always,  _always_  hears Kazuya in his head, always wants to be there for him. He knows Kazuya thinks about that night, too, probably as much as Jin does, but if anything else they've drifted apart more because of it.  
  
Jin wants them to always be together. They're  _Bound_  after all. But unless Kazuya says so, Jin has no option but to obey his sacrifice and stay away.


	2. Chapter 2

**My Paper Heart - All American Rejects**

  
  
Kazuya gets called to the white asylum-styled office Mary owns just when he's finished with Practical Defense with Domoto Koichi-sensei. Mary's already seated behind her intimidating table.  
  
"You called for me?" he fidgets under Mary's stare, wonders what he did wrong. Again. Mary still hasn't kicked him out, even if he's as useless as they come, and Kazuya has zero control of his fighter even when they've been a pair for years. Honestly, he thinks the only reason Mary's still keeping him is Johnny, who believes him and Jin are  _supposed to be together_ , and that Mary  _should not be messing with the natural laws_.  
  
"Oh, yes, please be seated," Mary gestures to the empty seat in front of the table. Kazuya obliges, waits for the pin to drop.  
  
"As you may know, graduating students have an option to stay with Seven Moons and lend their services in educating the younger students." Kazuya's aware of that; Tackey-sensei had done quite a job of taking over for Domoto Tsuyoshi when  _Peerless_  were sent out for rogue missions after all. Tackey-sensei had also coerced him into taking up a job in the academy, should there ever be an offer from the higher ups.  
  
"That being said," Mary continues, adjusting her eyeglasses, "Takizawa Hideaki and Domoto Koichi from our faculty both have recommended you as a potential instructor, giving you high praises, if I may say so. You know how the usual offer goes, I presume?" Basic salary plus incentives for clothes, lodging, standard car for emergency missions, and on-hand training with the students.  
  
Just when he'd thought he could get out of responsibilities like these. " _Hai_."  
  
"Then is it possible for us to receive your response before your formal graduation rites are held?" That's in four days, and–  
  
"What about Jin?" Kazuya doesn't know what compels him to ask, but the look on Mary's face when he says the name does not bode well.  
  
Mary closes her eyes briefly. "Akanishi Jin has filed for an immediate transfer to Los Angeles as soon as he finishes his stay in the academy. He has requested us not to disclose any information to other parties," then with a pause, "including you, unfortunately."  
  
 _And what about us?_  he suddenly wants to shout, the weight of the unexpected news too heavy for him to absorb immediately.  _What happens to me when he leaves?_  
  
It seems like Mary sees his discomfit, anyway. "If you remember, we informed you during your first day here that you and Akanishi are, for a lack of a better term, a Zero. There is no natural bond between the two of you, as we have established. Once he goes to America, the management there will be in charge of finding a suitable sacrifice for him, while we do our best to look for a fighter whom you can properly command."  
  
 _No natural bond_ , the words echo in Kazuya's ears, a lump forming in his throat. He casts his eyes down, not wanting to show Mary of all people his weakness; she already think he's not worth much, and this could be a fatal blow to him. But still–  
  
"If that is all?" Mary inquires, looking at him, arms crossed over her chest. Kazuya nods, and Mary politely reminds him to give his reply about the teaching post in four days and that he can leave now.  
  


**Baby Just Say Goodnight – The Click Five**

  
  
Kazuya sneaks inside the room when he's sure the occupants have gone out for dinner. He's not quite twenty yet–gangly limbs and copper blond hair reaching his shoulders, face almost permanently in a scowl these days–but if there's one thing he knows, it's where  _Selfless'_  fighter stocks his cigarettes. He's almost finished ten sticks when Jin comes across the hall and sees him lounging about.  
  
"What?" Kazuya flatly says when it looks like Jin's more interested with the floor than with him, "You're too good to even stop me from killing myself now?" He's angry at Jin, and maybe at himself a little, though he doesn't know why. He had always thought it was normal, spending the rest of his life with Jin, as crazy as it sounded. They were a pair, a dysfunctional one at that but a pair nonetheless, and Jin never showed hints about wanting to go separate ways.  
  
Jin shrugs his shoulders. "Toma doesn't like people rummaging through his stuff." He leans beside Kazuya on the wall, long legs elegantly crossed at the ankles.  
  
"And you're not someone who meddles in my life on a daily basis," Kazuya snorts, taking a hit of the cigarette instead. He doesn't want to close his eyes, doesn't want to think about not seeing Jin in his white shirts and washed jeans. "Also, Toma likes me more than he likes you."  
  
Jin decides he won't start a fight, not this time. "Suit yourself."  
  
"Why are you leaving?" Kazuya finally decides to ask, the taste of tobacco and betrayal heavy on his tongue. "Is this really what you want?" he continues, but it's not even a question.  
  
Jin smiles a sad smile at him. "You should know how to read me by now, Kazu," he muses, stretching a bit and getting ready to go to their room. "Six years is a long time to be with someone, after all."  
  
And that hurts, Kazuya realizes. That they have spent literally every day of the last six years together and now they're going to be separated, and Jin doesn't even want him to know a thing. It's like a long spool of thread has been intricately wound inside his muscles, the end of it only sticking out a little, and now that all the skin and tissues have regrown Jin's pulling on the loose end and prying out the string slowly.  
  
"I'm pretty tired, Kazu," Jin says, hand already at the doorknob. "We never even talked honestly, right? This is more for you than for me, I guess."  
  
It's all true, which is why neither of them can't do anything about it, in reality. An inevitable separation of sorts, which feels worse than a forfeit. Kazuya's pretty sure he doesn't say it out loud, but Jin hears him think  _don't go_  over and over in his head even long after Jin has gone inside the room.  
  


**絆 - 亀梨和也**

  
  
Green and yellow ignite into fiery orange and red fade into brown crumbles to white, and everything is washed away, everything returns to where it’s begun. Four seasons have passed twice, all of them bringing loneliness; it has been two years, and Kazuya still hears voice in his head, still feels the phantom touch of fingers punching into his, a shadow blocking his sight and his thoughts being echoed in words.  
  
Right ear twitching, Kazuya looks up from where he’s staring at the snow and sees some of the students outside. He hears the children every day, talking behind his back, the rumours flying around about him, about why he’s not an adult yet, but Kazuya doesn’t care. He’ll wait, he can do that, stay here and be still until Jin decides they're ready to talk. Kazuya will explain and everything will be right, all will fall into place and—  
  
“Kazuya.” That’s Tatsuya, and the room is suddenly cold.  
  
Oh. Tatsuya, right, open door, snowing outside. “Hey,” he looks away from the window, “Spell Class done?” Kazuya motions to the general vicinity of Tatsuya’s desk. Their room is plain, a bit messy for three people, but having a room with three beds is already an oddity in the academy. Kazuya’s surrounded by strange things, it seems, but he’s had months and months to get used to it, hostility and denial and he’s had enough of pushing people  _who matter_  away. It hurts, and he doesn’t want to open a room that’s so empty and only one bed being occupied when there’s clearly space for two, memories for two, so much time wasted and now he’s here—  
  
“—out on me,” Tatsuya looks at him while taking one of his many scarves off, laying them on his bed. “You know this is why I hate talking to you when you don’t have class, right?”  
  
Kazuya smiles a bit, smoothing his bed covers and looking down, “Sorry, you were saying?”  
  
The door shuts by itself softly. Wind, cold, snow. “No class,” Tatsuya is stripping down to his non-prescribed clothes, the ones they’re allowed to wear off-duty. Today is a white low-cut shirt and some dark denim shorts that go right below his knees. For someone who has so little body fat, Kazuya wonders why Tatsuya’s fashion choices seem to be all wrong, especially for winter.  
  
“Why?” just as the lights flicker on and off for a bit, and Kazuya looks at Tatsuya, confused.  
  
Tatsuya points at the room’s ceiling, “That,” he sighs, settling down on his bed, hands behind his head. “Power outages, the kids from the senior class were playing pranks again. Mary is angry. ”  
  
Of course, Kazuya thinks. Nobody escapes the razor sharp tip of her tongue, not even the older pairs. “And Johnny?”  
  
Tatsuya closes his eyes, “You know him,  _boys will be boys_ , what he always says.” He stretches out on the mattress, facing Kazuya, and breathes, “Hey,  _Nameless_.”  
  
“Stop saying that,” Kazuya answers back, but there’s no heat in his voice; it’s an old joke between them. A pause, then, “What?”  
  
Sheets rustle for a bit, then Tatsuya is tugging on something, eyes open and understanding. “You can feel it, right?”  
  
A slight pull, barely there, but Kazuya inhales slowly, hums his agreement.  
  
“Then don’t be such a stranger anymore,” Tatsuya stops tugging, and it makes Kazuya want to cry in relief, in frustration, a weird but familiar mix of need and want.  
  
Instead he settles for turning with his back to Tatsuya, looking outside.  
  
They don’t talk about anything after that. Tatsuya falls asleep in the mid-morning, and Kazuya is left to stare at the students, remembering destiny and names.  
  


**千年の Love Song - Kis-My-Ft2**

  
  
Tatsuya raises an eyebrow at him. “But you’re not–” he pauses, bends down to pick up and hold out something Kazuya cannot see. “This,” he gestures, as if handing a stranger  _air_  is normal.  
  
“What,” Kazuya is looking at Tatsuya’s hand, then Tatsuya’s face, confusion marring his features. “Um.”  
  
“Your thread,” Tatsuya shakes his outstretched hand a little, moving it closer to Kazuya. “ _Red thread,_ ” he repeats like he’s talking to a moron when Kazuya looks like he won’t take a hint, “Every pair who’s not a Zero has their red thread of fate connected to each other.”  
  
“Um,” Kazuya mumbles lamely, his cat ears twitching. He can’t see anything. “Mary-san and Julie-san called me earlier—”  
  
“Yeah,” Tatsuya waves the hand supposedly holding Kazuya’s thread of fate in a non-committal gesture, making a face. “Don’t believe those hags, they’re kinda nuts,” he says conspiratorially. His eyes are gleaming in a way Kazuya finds a little scary.  
  
“Well,” Kazuya hesitates a bit, looks at his pants, tattered at the knees, at his worn out, faded red Converse high-cuts, at anything but Tatsuya.  _Zeroes are without a name, no identity,_  it echoes at the back of his mind.  
  
He doesn’t know who to trust; it’s his first day at Seven Moons and everything is still buzzing in his head. Mostly Kazuya just wants to know why his eldest brother had that look on his face when the family car had whisked Kazuya away at five o’clock this morning.  
  
“You’re a sacrifice, right,” Kazuya starts when he hears Tatsuya say more than ask, not even waiting for an answer. “The other end of your thread is out there,” he kicks at some gravel on the floor, “which means they haven’t found your fighter. Yet.”  
  
“ _Nameless—_ ” Kazuya tries, stops. That was how he understood what the adults were talking about, only Tatsuya is smiling at him a little weirdly.  
  
Well, weirdly constituted a lot, just for today. Not fifteen minutes ago he had been in a soundproof room with people in white talking about pairs and names and battles, Kazuya’s parents listening attentively, not minding that he had no idea what was happening. The tiny, old, funny-looking man had led him outside the room and introduced him to Tatsuya, telling them to shoo and explore the grounds. Tatsuya had grabbed his wrist and made a run for it.  
  
And now, someone is approaching. It’s that boy from earlier, the one Kazuya and his parents met by the gate. “You—” Kazuya starts, but then he doesn’t know what to say when the boy goes next to Tatsuya and touches his arm shyly. It seems like he’s cutting himself off a lot.  
  
“Hi,” the boy-from-the-gate says, “I’m  _Pristine,_ ” he offers a handshake, but the hand is swatted away.  
  
“ _You_  aren’t Pristine, stupid,” Tatsuya sounds strict, ignoring Kazuya for a moment to turn the boy, “ _we_  are. Sorry Kazuya,” he continues, smile in place, eyes on Kazuya again, “his name’s Yuichi, he’s my sacrifice.”  
  
It takes a few seconds for that to process. Kazuya blinks, gulps, then whispers, “sacrifice?”  
  
“He doesn’t know?” Yuichi says, like Kazuya isn’t right there and all he sees is Tatsuya, and that’s a bit disconcerting, Kazuya was sure they just met.  
  
“Kazuya only got here, today,” Tatsuya answers with the patience of someone who is talking to a five year old.  
  
Yuichi scrunches his nose, “Me too!”  
  
“Well we’re different,” and that’s that, Tatsuya’s looking like one more sassy reply and he’ll walk out, so Yuichi keeps quiet.  
  
“Different?” Kazuya manages to make a sound, looking at the pair.  
  
“You are,” pulling back the sleeves of his shirt, Tatsuya shows the word, inked in black and running through his inner arm, “You don’t have this. Or that’s what you said,” he pulls Yuichi’s arm and shows it to Kazuya, the same name marking him. “I don’t believe you though.”  
  
Yuichi interrupts. “He’s a Zero?”  
  
Zero. That word again. But before he can think about it, Kazuya hears his father’s voice, and he turns around to find his parents waiting. He runs to them.  
  


**On Your Mind~Please Come Back to Me – KAT-TUN**

  
  
Kazuya continues to see Nagano-sensei, determined to find out what milestone in his life he had missed or forgotten. They don't find anything initially, but Kazuya's more receptive to treatment now, doesn't brush off questions that he had deemed too prying all those years ago. Bit by it, there's enlightenment, and it sparks hope in Kazuya.  
  
The phone call comes almost too late, in Johnny's opinion.  
  
"Gramps," Kazuya utters after calming down his sobs. "Are you there?" he asks.  
  
Right now, Kazuya's got a major headache, but at least everything is clear now. He can explain to Koji and tell him he's sorry, he didn't mean what happened that day; he can be accepted by his brothers again. He's not going to be a freak anymore.  
  
And Jin, he can finally face Jin again.  
  
"What is it,  _Nameless_?" It's 3am, sometimes Johnny wonders if these kids ever sleep.  
  
"I'm not," Kazuya replies immediately, then more calmly, "I'm not–you said I wasn't a Zero. I have a name."  
  
"Your name, huh," Johnny sighs; maybe he really is too old for this. "Did your seniors ever tell you what's the most important rule?"  
  
Kazuya sniffles. "It's real, even when it's just in your head. Some people say it's only real when you speak the words out loud, but in truth, thoughts are already real once it's in your mind." How he never understood that before will always be a mystery to Kazuya now.  
  
"And?" Johnny presses on; he mostly really just wants to sleep.  
  
Mary and Julie had always said that sacrifices were mostly dispensible in Zero pairs, and Kazuya almost never asks for anything, hesitation and the thought of having no choice anyway consuming him first, but this time he has no qualm with what he answers Johnny with.  
  
"My name is  _Bound_ , and I want my fighter back."  
  


**No More Pain – KAT-TUN**

  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Silence on the other line.  
  
"Hello?" More silence. "Who's this?"  
  
"Nii-chan," Kazuya sniffs. "It's me."  
  
A pause.  
  
"Koji-nii, don't hang up."  
  
Koji doesn't talk. He stops the car by the side of the road, doesn't want to cause accidents for people.  
  
"Nii-chan." Kazuya sounds like he's been crying.  
  
"What do you want?" Koji says, voice clipped.  
  
"I'm sorry, nii-chan," Kazuya answers. "About your friend. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to–"  
  
"You remember?" Koji cuts him off, surprised.  
  
"I," Kazuya slumps to the floor, on his knees. "Yes. I'm really sorry," he whispers the last word so Koji won't hear his pathetic sobbing over the phone.  
  
"That's–" a development Koji would've never imagined. He swallows, leaning his arms over the steering wheel. "Are you coming home?"  
  
"I'm–what?"  
  
"Visit soon," Koji insists, breathing slowly. "The next family holiday. Everyone will be there, so come, okay Kazu?"  
  
Koji has never called him that name, has never called him anything at all, not once since the night Kazuya woke up from the game in the park. The accident, and Koji's friend. "Are you sure?" Kazuya hiccups.  
  
"Stop crying, you baby," Koji chides, but there's a hint of some tears in his eyes as well. "You should come home. We should all come home, okay?"  
  
"Nii-chan, I'm sorry," he doesn't even bother to hide his sobs. "I'm really sorry about everything."  
  
Koji sighs. "I guess I just wanted you to remember, Kazu," he finally admits. "I don't think I was truly ever angry. It was unfair that you forgot while the family didn't, so yeah. But now you remember, so."  
  
Kazuya blinks. "You're not angry anymore?"  
  
"Truth? I don't know." Koji looks at his watch. He has to meet his wife in an hour; they've got a doctor's appointment today. "Look, we'll deal with that later. Now you go and call mom, tell her that you remember." He revs up the engine. "Kazu, we'll talk prperly okay? When you're home."  
  
"But–"  
  
"Later," Koji says, and that's final. "Take care of yourself. And I'm glad you remember now. I'll see you, Kazu."  
  


**Stolen – Dashboard Confessional**

  
  
Amidst the throng of people, Jin hears Kazuya before he sees him. It's just after winter, the first hints of spring touching leaves and sunrays kissing flower petals, but Kazuya looks like he's nursing a deadly cold, scarf wrapped all around his neck and covering half his face. There's a cigarette loosely held on fingers, eyes shielded by ugly, large eyeglasses.  
  
Soon it'll be time for cherry blossoms viewing, Jin thinks. Right now all he wants is to throttle Kazuya to the ground and kiss him senseless, not that he'd ever done that before.  
  
Still, he's never been too resistant of that niggling voice in his head. Kazuya doesn't even need to command; Jin always automatically gravitates towards him.  
  
"I missed you," Jin breathes in smoke and almonds and mint, arms wound tight around Kazuya's shoulders once he's secure his bags aren't lost in some continent eight hours away. "I missed you so much," he repeats, softer, like a secret.  
  
"Hey," Kazuya softly replies, voice choked and eyes closed, tears almost falling. "Hey," he repeats, this time louder to his ears, grip on Jin's coat tight, face hidden between Jin's neck and shoulder.  
  
Kazuya hates talking, and Jin knows that much, won't push and pressure him into saying embarrassing things. "I'm back," Jin says instead, pulling back to look at Kazuya more properly. "Kazu, your ears," Jin notices, and Kazuya's cat ears twitch while his cheeks flush.  
  
"Well I'm not the only one," Kazuya mumbles, pointedly looking at Jin's excited tail instead, black and a sharp contrast against his beige jeans and gray and white shirt.  
  
Jin smiles at him, indulging. "I think you know why I still have mine," he rubs his thumbs under Kazuya's eyebags; they'll never completely go away, Jin knows. "So humor me."  
  
Kazuya grunts. "Yuichi says they won't fall off if you're only doing it by yourself. Apparently it only works if I have someone else with me," he finally gets out, and the embarrassment gets replaced with a small burst of happiness when he hears Jin's hearty laugh.  
  
  
  
Kazuya takes him to his apartment; he's stopped living inside the campus, and he didn't have the heart to intrude on Tatsuya's home, even when the other had offered. He's got a car now, and even if he's just been teaching at the academy for two and a half years, Johnny makes sure his efforts are well-paid for.  
  
The drive is silent, and Kazuya tries not to think of strange things because well–nothing beats having someone hear your thoughts for more than twenty minutes at a time, he's sure. He's only being considerate, and Jin's had a long flight.  
  
It's long after they've arrived at Kazuya's flat (white, marbled floor and a color palette selection that would do any grandfather proud), much time wasted under the pretense of setting down luggage, the grand tour, small talk, dinner, and more delaying tactics that Jin corners Kazuya by the bathroom, hands swift on clothes and body blocking the door.  
  
"I missed you," Jin smiles, nosing the back of Kazuya's neck, and that's another shirt button undone, "I think it's about time you told me something interesting."  
  
Kazuya gulps.  _Jin,_  he tries instead, because saying something out loud definitely won't work; he's tried countless times.  
  
"Don't talk," Jin slides the shirt over Kazuya's shoulders, kisses the smooth plane of his back, marks his skin with words. Never curses nor restraints, but of love. "Just–you don't need to talk. But tell me everything, okay?"  
  
Jin's tail playfully wraps around Kazuya's thigh, and when he presses himself a bit forward, Kazuya can feel something hard against his hip. It sends a slow, thick trickle of pleasure down Kazuya's spine, and he can't help but catch Jin's hands, pressing open-mouthed kisses to each palm.  
  
Jin hums when Kazuya turns around, brown cat-ears twitching in anticipation and hands divesting Jin of his shirt. When Kazuya's calloused fingers touch Jin's name– a clean script written in bold black over his collarbones– Jin bites back his surprise. Kazuya presses his lips over the name, mind reeling and his groin stirring. So long,  _so so long_  and too much confusion and shouting, the cold silence of their separation and Kazuya too worried about red threads that maybe weren't real.  
  
But Jin's here, solid and strong and radiating very enticing heat, and Jin saved him all those years ago, it was Jin who watched him from the shadows and fought to save him during that time, when they had no idea how things had worked– the kids that they were, and Jin's name is the same that's carved onto him, and right now Jin's hand is brushing affectionately over Kazuya's name.  
  
 _Our name_ , Kazuya gulps, speaking the name in his head, and Jin echoes the same, only a bit loud, chocolate eyes filled with love. "Tell me everything," Jin whispers, thumb caressing Kazuya's cheek. Jin saved him, and Kazuya couldn't remember, had only thought about himself and his brothers; he hadn't wanted to be a sacrifice at all, had hurt them both so bad Jin had gone far away, and Kazuya thought everything would be okay with Jin leaving, but then the hurt became emptiness and Kazuya had not only once thought it was better to die.  
  
But Jin's here,  _now, finally_ , and Kazuya's never letting him go again.  
  
"I know," Jin smiles, tucks loose wisps of hair behind Kazuya's ears, "you're never letting go, right?"  
  
Kazuya does what he's denied himself these past years; he surges up to kiss Jin.  
  


**Act on Emotion – KAT-TUN**

  
  
Everything happens completely by accident. It is a Saturday afternoon and the boys, being boys, are in the empty lot beside the chapel, fooling around. The weird kid with a bad hair job and annoying yellow parka who’s always lurking around isn’t present today, or at least he isn’t spying on them. Kazuya thinks he’s one of those kids the local nuns have adopted; either way, he doesn’t really care.  
  
“Switch!” a panting Kasuga shouts. He is the oldest among them, save for Yuichiro, who isn’t really with them to play. High school entrance exams are in a few weeks, and damn if he will set a bad example for his brothers.  
  
Koji and Aoki trade places, while Yonemura goes to the pitcher’s mound. They are playing a modified version of baseball today, and Kazuya is benched because otherwise they’ll be an odd number; Yuichiro’s nose is in his literature book. The older boys’ egos also agree on Kazuya being the youngest and therefore least skilled.  
  
Kazuya lets go of the tawny kitten he’s playing with and sits up. “Koji-nii,” he whines, kicking at dirt, “you said it’d be my turn twenty minutes ago!”  
  
Turning a little, Koji makes a face. “Shut up, runt,” he sticks his tongue out, and Kazuya huffs.  
  
“Yu-nii!” Kazuya turns to his eldest brother, who barely acknowledges him, waving a hand and turning his book to the next page. The banter of the others fades into the background; they’re a rowdy bunch, even for middle-school kids.  
  
Suddenly, Kazuya’s chest hurts. Not the heart attack kind, but a different sensation, an extremely sharp knife slicing at the letters carved in his skin. It feels uncomfortable, and Kazuya stands up, only to stumble in a disgraced heap and dry heave.  
  
“Kazu?” That gets Yuichiro’s attention. “You alright?”  
  
Koji waves both hands up, and the boys halt. “What now,” he puts down his glove, worriedly jogging over to his brothers, about to launch a tirade when Kazuya heaves again.  
  
 _Stay,_  the voice in Kazuya’s head says.  _Trust, the connection of two souls will overcome._  Kazuya blinks away the tears. He definitely didn’t imagine that voice.  
  
It’s painful. It’s very, very painful.  
  
“Where?” Koji’s anxious face zooms into view. “Where does it hurt?” Kazuya must’ve said that one out loud.  
  
“I—” Kazuya starts, trying not to clutch at his chest, when he hears the voice.  _Still. Unite with the heart and mind. Bind. Fix._  
  
“Hey,” someone from their group says from far away, only Kazuya can’t recognize the voice because of the one he hears in his head, the one he’s sure the others don’t hear. “What’s happening there,” a different person this time.  
  
There’s a hand on his shoulder. “Kazu, hey, stop that,” Yuichiro soothes, voice a little wobbly even as he’s trying not to panic. Kazuya doesn’t even realize he was shaking his head so hard.  
  
Just as Kazuya’s about to answer, a strong gust of wind blows. “I smell someone of our own kind,” a booming voice sounds, and Kazuya looks up, frantic.  
  
“You’re right,” another voice says, and suddenly there are three boys, the same built as Kazuya’s brothers, walking towards their group. “Let’s have some fun.”  
  
 _Fight or flight,_  the voice says to Kazuya,  _which do you choose?_  
  
“We challenge you to a battle,” the tall, lanky one with sandy blonde hair says. “Zero versus Zero, there can only be one.”  
  
“ **Battle systems engage,** ” the other one says, and two pairs of fists are punched against a pair of hands.  
  
 _Accept._  
  
How he knows what to say, Kazuya has no idea. He closes his eyes, thinks it in his mind, and someone speaks the words for him. Everything turns black; there are fire flowers and frightening bolts of electricity, shackles and chains piling up, flames and winds sharp enough to cut, then emptiness.  
  
When Kazuya comes to, the lot looks like a tornado swept through it, and everybody else is thoroughly shaken, the boys all looking at him with wide, terrified eyes.  
  
He realizes he’s the only one standing up; the others either crouched or hiding behind the tires and trees.  
  
The moment he sees Kasuga lying supine on the dirt, eyes open and lifeless, Kazuya screams until he passes out.  
  
  
  
" _Tadaima,_ " Jin says when they step into the academy's premises, soft afternoon breeze and the warm glow of sunshine upon them.  
  
They've had three days to fill each other in about their lives spent apart; about Kazuya room-hopping, trying and failing to be productive, going to Nagano-sensei. About dreaming, not remembering, more dreams, finally finding out what happened and wanting to explain to Jin. In turn, Jin tells him about America and London, about green-haired people with blue and purple eyes, about adults and temptation and differences in culture, about how good it is to finally be home, even if the girls in his American neighborhood were all single and had the hots for him. Kazuya doesn't understand how or why this is all relevant, until Jin says the only thing that kept him from losing his ears and tail was Kazuya's voice  _always_  talking him into coming home. Kazuya flushes molten.  
  
"I'm home," Jin repeats, taking a lungful of air. They have to meet with Johnny now–there will be talks about official duties and what plans Jin has now that he's home.  
  
Kazuya's heart soars when Jin holds his hand.  _Bound_ , the name resonates in his head, fills his whole body with a sense of completion, from his chest to his arms and legs to the tips of his fingers and toes.  _United, two ties that are joined by fate_.  
  
"Welcome home, Jin."  
  


**First Love - 宇多田 ヒカル**

  
  
“Run!” Koji shouts, dragging Kazuya with him. The others tag along, clearly enjoying the evening rush.  
  
Today’s one of those rare days where Yuichiro and Koji actually spend time hanging out with Kazuya. Of course Kazuya has to mingle with his older brothers’ friends and everyone’s at least in middle school by now, but he doesn’t mind at all. They’ve just finished with the batting cages, and it’s an hour and a half past dinner time. Kazuya’s curfew was three hours ago, and they’re all dead meat.  
  
They arrive at an intersection, and of course they have to stop unless it’s safe to cross. Everyone’s huffing, lungs thoroughly worked out from the non-stop exercise since this afternoon.  
  
“Hey!” Koji swings blindly when Kazuya lets go of his hand. “What?” he growls, more annoyed than worried.  
  
Kazuya, however, looks like someone electrocuted him. “I—” he can’t finish, a niggling voice in his head suddenly whining about static, a phantom touch on his other arm, the one his older brother wasn’t trying to dislocate earlier.  
  
Yuichiro catches up, sees his brothers. “Are you okay?”  
  
“It’s Kazu,” Koji starts, but the light goes green and then they have to run again or their mother will lock the door and there will be no dinner tonight and no escapades for three months. Grounded, no excuses.  
  
 _Wait,_  Kazuya wants to say, but then someone grabs his wrist and they’re sprinting again, and things are a blur because they’re very, very late. He doesn’t see the flash of bright red mixed with black nor the Pikachu-style hoodie that was behind him just a few moments ago. This time it’s Yuichiro who’s with Kazuya.  
  
Their feet are sore from all the playing and running today, but the only thing Kazuya can think about, can feel is the pulsing, pricking sensation of something spreading like wildfire on his skin, right where his heart is.


End file.
